hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
