Nicole vs. Life
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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