Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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