I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
