I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
