good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
There are leaves in my underwear?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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