Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
