I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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