At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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