There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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