her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
