I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Four minutes until I can fart!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
