3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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