Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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