Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
