this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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