I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
