Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
