And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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