I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
