can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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