man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
