Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
