Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
