btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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