I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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