I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Panties = found
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