You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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