he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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