Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
