saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
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you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
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He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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