a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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