literally had 100 drinks last night.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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