Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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