Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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