also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
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I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
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We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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