Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
