I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
