Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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