time to smoke my breakfast
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
