I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Two words: blizzard sex
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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