When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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