remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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