he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
