I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
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If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
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Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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