We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
