just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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