I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
