His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
