i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
