I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
