4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
