Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize