i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
