those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
