I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
