you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
