the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
do nipples grow back?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
