Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
