Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
