): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
