I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
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I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
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Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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