I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
