we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
