I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
